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Monday, January 10, 2011

Missing YOU, Wiggles Blue Heeler

Missing YOU, Wiggles Blue Heeler

January 11, 2011

By Julie Kay Smithson, always Wiggles' Mommy

Wiggles Blue, your mommy is trying to not grieve so much ... but the loss of your physical presence is almost unbearable sometimes. Sometimes I can't get my breath, it hurts so much to not have you here to just see ... to just hear ... to just do the simplest things, things which now mean the world to me.

Oh, to be able to fix your supper again. To be able to clean and keep filled with fresh water, your two water bowls -- one in the kitchen, the other in the bathroom, so you wouldn't have to go so far at night to get a drink.

To just be able to stand beside you and get you lined up to jump into the lil blue truck ... and to have you there, either on the center console or lying in the other seat.

The sweet and never 'doggy' fragrance of you ... the softness of your fur, the dear 'Bentley mark' on your forehead, that incredibly intelligent, dear, sweet face ... your loving kisses / slurps.

I still thank God every day -- several times each day and night -- for the great gift of having you here in my life for more than a dozen years. How could those years have passed so quickly ... how could you not still be here with your mommy?

I am so glad that I was able to draw on your courage, even to your last physical breath, and give you rest without pain, all except that moment as we were getting off I-70 at the exit, and you were shivering when I touched the top of your head. My heart is so filled with you, Wiggles Blue, and how you trusted me so much that, when I said, "It's all right; we'll be there in just a couple more minutes, and I promise to not let you suffer," you relaxed and regained your calm. If you hurt after that, you were able to do so in a relaxed way that didn't let me know. I believe you were not hurting when I carried you into the vet's office, though you did tense up again for one moment.

Please be patient with me, dear heart, as I give this my best and try to get through living without you being here physically.

You are, always were, and always will be, so very much loved by me. I miss you so, Wiggles!

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